Up in the Air

Just ova here reminiscing about our time in Portland a few months ago. The lush green dense forest had me taking looootttssssss of pics. I’m one of those folx who has a lot of forever friends so it was nice to get up there and see oldies and new-ies. It was fuckin cold though. I’m enjoying the thaw-out even though things are really weird right now. THX virus.

Thanks for visiting here while I use this mainly as a personal space right now. The older I get, the more surprised I am at who I’ve become and the skills I’ve gained. I’m not talking just emotional tools, I’m talking different avenues. We start over every 3 months or so and it has been a challenge but it’s also been really eye-opening. I wouldn’t change any of it! Except I would’ve liked more time with my cat. I keep up my hair license, am transferring it to TX just in case. I am a personal trainer (I’m gettin to be a fine teacher I might say), I am practicing expanding my creative side. I did recently have a chat with my astrologer (yeah, I have an astrologer! shout out to DS, and let me know if you would like to chat with him. It’s fun.) and he told me the one thing he could tell about me right off the bat is that I was ignoring my creative side. So I am having a lot of fun with my lil guitar and getting my vocal chords strong again. It’s been so therapeutic.

Anyway, with all that inside me, we are moving one final time. It’s been a lot of mulling over and I haven’t decided what to do just yet. Hopefully all the things that make me Darbot. I love getting strong and teaching people how to be strong, I enjoy doing hair sometimes, and I love being around music and even making music. I believe in myself more than I ever have. My goal is to find purpose in my work. I want to make money and feed my soul at the same time. I have love and support and I am more emotionally okay (not great but working on it) than I have ever been. Somehow, I am not worried that I don’t have it figured out right now. That surprises me a little bit but hey. What’s one more unknown? Things have really been okay and they will be. It’s a tough transition coming off medication. It’s just tough having everything up in the air all the time. I don’t prefer it. But I’m sure I will wish for the chaos again once it calms down, so I am just trying to embrace it all.

Last week, John told me that I am stronger than I think I am.  We hear that from time to time, I know. My mom has told me that at different points throughout my life. But at that moment I decided to take it and actually hear it. I have been holding onto that since. I told him I appreciated it and maybe to remind me sometimes that I am strong. That’s what keeping me going this week. So if you feel a lil weak, just remember that you are stronger than you think you are too. Chat soon…..