Anyone else have that haze-of-a-last-week-of-the-year thing? Where you felt super bloated and inflamed. You didn’t do anything, laid around watching too much TV, you don’t know what you did at work and really nothing mattered and you prob ate and drank too much? Yeah, me too.

I had some major depression the first few weeks of December, as I’m not working a ton, and I’m kind of just itching to get our trips started and then get to Austin, so I can continue working on my career and set some roots. It was a haze. I’m glad it’s over.

Then, we went home over the break. I was so nervous and anxious about that in itself (family tension-politics, vegan talk, proving things I don’t need to prove-just whatever but it was actually fine). and, as happy as I am to report that we got in some AMAZING family and friend time, I was wiped when we got back. I didn’t listen to my body, I didn’t intuitively eat or drink, I just nervously and anxiously stuffed everything into my mouth. It was a gluttonous holiday time.

But the whole reason I’m telling you this is because I finally learned a lesson. Not THE lesson I’d like to master, about not getting into this hole in the first place, but come on we’re humans and life’s hard. The lesson: I knew I was going to feel like absolute garbage when we got back to Glendale. I never learn* the first time, but at least I knew the consequences this time! Wow. How about that. So because I knew what was happening, I knew more about how to combat what was about to happen. I knew how to remedy the way I was going to feel in the next few days. There is something to be said about that! I’m proud. It finally set in after 30 years. I’m giving myself some credit.

So instead of beat myself up and wonder why the fuck I am feeling so wonky, I’m taking each day in stride. I know the root of this. I don’t feel good and I know why. Making myself go to the gym even if it’s just a 15 minute elliptical sesh. It’s all about momentum. You can’t just let yourself quit and continue to be lazy no matter how much you want to. And God, I know how much we all want to. But it’s the tiniest little things. Keep moving. I recently read that somewhere. Keep moving. So, even if it’s just the smallest bit of activity, if it’s just to make the bed, fix your hair, keep moving. It will lead to more and you will feel better. Give yourself some credit for all the good you do this year, no matter what scale.

And hopefully next year I can practice a little more moderation and balance. That’s really what life’s about. But who ever gets that right every single time?

So with all that said, I guess my new year’s resolution is to give myself more credit. Be nicer to myself. Oh yeah, and dry January. With a one night exception when we go to SF for one of our favorite podcasts. OH, I also want to master/understand/study the mechanics of olympic lifts so I can take a weightlifting course when we get to Austin. Obviously my dream is to use strength training to fuck the patriarchy. What’s more wonderful, more profound, more break-the-mold than a strong woman who knows her lifts? Not much else comes to mind.

Okay, so I guess I’ve got some work to do. No problem.

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19 days until we leave Glendale. I will sure miss this sweet little studio. John and I have some super special memories here. And man has Los Angeles been a dream of a city. What a beautiful whirlwind it is. I’ll talk more about it another time. I will miss it so dearly.

*when I was a kid and I asked my brother to help me pick out a screen name, as a joke he suggested “InEvRLurN” or something like that, I’ve always been pretty hard-headed……